=im so scared to know tt u're e one in my heart.. n im afraid tt i've realli fallen for u hard. i wish tt u're only a stranger passing mi by.. but deep down in my heart, i yearn for ur love n attention.. n for e hugs n kisses tt u once gave. only then do i know tt footprints have been imprinted deeply.. u have nvr, n will nvr, be forgotten. for i know i'll always love u, no matter how long e time, how far e distance....=

my dearest girls.. jia you jia you! we shall walk together thru all e obstacles tt have come into our paths, n i know we will overcome these together, cuz we'll always have each other. waves lala paw!

*grace*
*beebee*
*chinchin*
*cheryl*
*jieyun*
*vonne*
*ouyang*

-love u girls- =)

im back!!!!!!!! it's been such a long time since i last update my blog le. tsk tsk. hees.. sry guys. but ttz nt for a reason though. got exams wors.. so din realli have e mood n time to blog. n it's finally e hols nw! hees.. aniway juz got back frm our class chalet. happy happy! *weets weets* this chalet simply makes mi love my guis even more, n we're like closer to buddy class as well le. nice!

went for midnite movie on e 2nd morning, @ 2am. lols. watched ghost game. horrible+terrible. cold, scared, n hungry. wad crapz. after tt went to kopitiam for breakfast, den went back chalet. was alrd like 8plus when we reached changi lor, simply knocked out n slp till 11plus. slack abit n then went to och, but alas! spotted by commandos. sigh. walked like, less than 20 mins? *sadded* in e end bee yun n mi used e time to go tampiness mall to buy more food back for e bbq @ nite, so guess no time was wasted also. hees. after bbq, weilin, ben, dev, dehong, chian hwee, chin, bee n mi still went for a walk! lols.. walked all e way to changi v before walking up to och. but this time round, everyone was paranoid, mainly cuz of e highly possible presence of commandos inside n nt of other reasons, so wandered ard for like 10 mins plus den went to e beach le. will go back again next time man.

had drinking game back in chalet after e walk, n everyone got so high! lols. drank n played till 3plus, n tt got almost everyone knocked out. fun nite.. but sigh. it ended too soon, too fast. alrd starting to miss my girls le. =(

conclusion conclusion... we guis r very bonded now! n i love u guys! u all made this chalet simply wonderful, n brighten up my life. u guys have given mi lots of support to help mi overcome everything, n everytime im lost, i know u all will b there for mi. tt means alot alot to mi. thnks.. =)

since tt nite when i saw u once again, i know i've nt let go of u. e pain washed over mi, n i know tt im alrd without a soul. but i will make sure i learn how to stand up n walk again thru this passage of life, without u. i dont need any answer frm u animore. cuz i alrd have one, n i know it cant b u though deep down, i realli wish u can b back in my life. im juz hanging on till smth snaps. girls, i know some of u have noticed tt i've been in a daze since then, n im nt realli mi animore. im juz waiting for time to bring mi back before i drop everything. but guis dont break their promises, n i wont. im alrd on e learning process to stand up le. u girls also have ur own share of probs, n u can b sure tt i'll always b ard for u all. =)

missing e times in chalet.

had a long day studying wif cheryl today.. n yeah! finished wad i planned to. hees.. sense of satisfaction. but on thinking of anatomy n molbio... sighs. >.< everybody jia you ba. =)

specially for you... im finally here to say, goodbye. im nt gonna hang on to u,, n to ur memories n promises. my heart's tired... my eyes numb. i dont wanna shed anymore tears.. i have my limit. u had my time.. one mth.. three mths... one whole yr. but ur promises were empty, n things were left hanging in e air. in e end, u chose e other path. if this will give u e happiness, i will be happy for u as well. though im feeling e emptiness.. n feeling as if life is nth, i will try my best to overcome it. not for u, but for myself n my girls. i will nt leave any memories of us wif mi along this long n tough recovery rd, cuz they bring mi nth but intolerable pain, though ttz e onli way which im able to see myself wif u. but ttz it. no more memories. i know how long this road will take, but i will try my best. u made mi numb. made mi lose hope. n right now, i gonna try stand up again n find back e soul tt i once have. i might still love u somewhere deep in my heart, but i will walk out of this shadow. cuz i no longer have e strength to have any hopes of us, n to love u, anymore. take care.

girls.. sry if i made u all worry todae. u have my promise.. n i will try nt to think of tt again. thnks. love u guys.

went to watch fireworks ytd wif e guis. simply splendid! it was so close n near to us, n for a moment, e fireworks juz seemed like some bright hopes awaiting us. saw some frens which were quite unexpected as well. lols.. waiting for chin to upload e pics le. hees.. wish for more of tis nite to happen again. lalalaaaaa

it's time to motivate myself to study for exams le. sighs.. simply lost all motivation to study. tried forcing myself to concentrate. but yeah, my attention span was only like, a few mins here n there? oh man. this is bad. everything i do n see seems to link to you.

god. please help mi n save mi from e agony. meanwhile, jia you ppl. happy studying!


-i've lost all motivation to live. it's goodbye time.-

u once promise to give mi a fairytale.. one in which u will shelter mi frm all e rain n storms.. i believe tt u will.. n i trust tt our fairytale will have a beautiful ending. though our story had much ups n downs.. we managed to conquer them.. n i stayed on, hanging by e little dash of hope n faith.. even if it's juz tt little. i still miss e fairytale.. i still long for e fairytale.. u nvr know.. but juz a simple msg frm u.. a smile or hearing ur voice.. has e ability to brighten up my life n bring mi happiness tt i nvr knew before.. n yet, in e process of loving u, i understand e true meaning of loving doesn't mean possession. it pains mi to see both of u tgt.. but at e same time, if tt could bring u happiness.. im contented. meanwhile, im still holding on to tt fairytale.. n wishing upon e stars tt it will turn into my life..

-going thru a series of roller-coaster ride. beginning to feel tt im losing myself.. n desperately trying to find mi back-

*loves* =)

sat:
had a long sat... went to temple to pray dad n grandpa in e morning. can onli say.. miss them alot. but yeah.. at least they've gone to a better place. =) after tt went to harbour front's dragon gate restaurant (if im nt wrong) to scout ard for my bro's wedding wif bro mum n godmum. finally see my leroy boy again! hees. anyway, it's nt a bad place. big enough n have a certain degree of nite view since it overlooks sentosa. but got kinda emo, n nearly lost control of my tears. hais.. went to meet my cousin alan. had a great chilling out time wif him, n basically, he made mi laughed like crazy. hees... love u karcheng! =)

truth be told, i agree wif wad ouyang wrote. when we gain smth, we tend to lose smth as well. e feeling of belonging will be lost, n i guess it's nt due to e fact tt we've got happiness frm another source, but rather, we've lost feelings and trust from e previous one. it's nt a matter of us not trying or wad, but rather, when a feeling is lost, it will nvr be replaced. n truth is, it's tiring to look for tt feeling again, esp. when so much things have happened as well. wish everything will turn out juz fine...

i never had a dream come true, till e dae when i found u... even though i pretend tt i've moved on, u'll always be my baby......

sun:
went for another praying today, except tt today is onli to my grandpa over at paya lebar crescent de temple. was thinking of e past along e way. *slapz* juz couldn't control myself. *tireds*

on a lighter note, i had a great time in e afternoon! bee, ouyang, grace, chin chin n jie yun came over to my hse in e afternoon for a cookie n brownie baking session! lols.. "played" wif e cookie mix while trying to come up wif different shapes for our choco cookies, n even had one which is a turtle shape! lols.. n yeah, they taste nice! =P though we initially planned to go out for dinner, we ultimately settle for a simple one downstairs mainly cuz we were all tired. anyway, it's e ppl ttz more impt. u girls simply make my day complete n cheery... this's a friendship which i will treasure n lock in my heart forever. =)

still feeling very emo, mainly due to e past. signing off now. *waves lala paw*
[ps: mummy gui, yang yang gui n yun yun gui, u girls muz take care of ur health n drink more water ya. recover fast!]

***tell mi wadz a life like without u.... im missing u terribly.. n it hurts like crazy... but when i thought back of e hurt u inflicted upon mi, i felt numb. which is better? pain or numb?***

-loving you is tiring.. but i will continue to.. cuz life's nth without you. i'll give you my heart till e end of time..while staying in a corner even if it means seeing u n her having e happiness..-

finally a sat. no school, no ica, juz rest! oh my. tis's e 1st time im wanting a wkend so much, mainly due to e idiotic week which was filled wif tests after tests.

went to kster wif grace after gems test ytd.. was so fun singing and laughing at both our mistakes! lols.. sang till halfway, den smth cropped up which left mi stunned for a moment. mind simply went into a state of blankness, and a feeling of uneasiness juz came over mi. cheryl then called at nite n talked abt it.. n oh man, makes mi more confused cuz of e diff. possiblities. still recovering from it now. >.< [we'll be glad to accept if u're really sincere in changing]

simply looking forward to tmr afternoon wif e girls. -anticipating- =)


-Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken.To truly love is to understand this.To be in love is to respect this.- ...letting go...

finally home. oh man.. tired like crazy, but happie! =)

went to settler's cafe at holland v. wif gtc today, namely grace benji bee ouyang chin vonne jieyun dev dehong chianhwee choonseng. played like crazy ppl over there.. lols. basically, e time there was juz filled wif shouts and laughter. thnks guys! u guys made everything so colourful and meaningful. wish there can be more of such gtc outings after exams. hees.. oh yeah, n we celebrated bee bee's bday in advance, cuz e bday's near exams. sry mummy gui.. but hope u like e present cake n surprise! nu-er gui loves u! =)

a few of us then went to bk to have our dinner while some of e guys went back. simply chatted and stayed there for like, nearing 2 hrs? lols.. nice nice. but oh man. tmr still have gems test. sians, sians, n more sians. i mean, gems test, nvm. but at 515pm?! wad e crapz. n yeah, i haven even touch my notes. how fun lor. zzz.

shall go study for gems test while waiting for chin to upload e pics tt we took juz now.
*gtc rocks!* =)


-emotionally tired-

oppps. forgot to tag 5 ppl. =)

1. alan
2. cheryl
3. gtc (oh yeah!)
4. ouyang (since u haven write... lols)
5. alex

crapz. wad e hell. i gonna die for metbio paper le lar. misread a word, and there goes my 8marks qns. saw e 1st qns of section a, 12 marks, and i was like, how to do?!?!!? den see everyone start to flip thru notes, then i suddenly realised i should juz flip also. dots. but in e end, no use. sians! i pray i dont need to see mmm again next sem. dont mind her lessons, but her paper's a killer~ 0_0 *praying hard*

aniway, was out at bugis wif ouyang, grace, chin, benji, dev, dehong, chian hwee and choonseng. simply love our class. love gTc. we r growing closer. u guys rock! =) ate at pasta mania and was crapping (as usual) thruout dinner. laughed and made so much noise. oppps. but yeah... who cares. lols. went to buy *smth* den took neoprints. yeahhhhhhhh! love u guys!

oh yeah, n cuz chin tagged mi, so i gotta do this. =)
write 10 paragraphs to 10 different frens in ur life without listing out their names, and tagged 5 ppl to continue doing things. here i go......

1. a senior whom i know thru cchm choir. thought u looked kinda aloof initially. but as time passed by, realised that u're actually a nice person who is always there to lend mi ur listening ear, and that's how our friendship grew. wont forget e times when we always go out together after choir practices or during the wkends, even if it was juz for a simple chat over coffee. though now in different institutions le, but am glad that we are still keeping in touch wif each other, and i'll never forget this friendship that we have... =)

2. thnks for always being there for mi whenever i need u. u always gave mi advices and support, and yeah, u gave us a cute little leroy! (think u should know who u r le) i know i have made u worry many times le, esp. over my emotional ties wif him. but u've been a truly good mother, always there to listen to mi, to be able to understand how i feel, and at the same time encourage mi to let go of him thru e passage of time. sry if i've been very ren xing, but dont worry, i will b a good girl n help u take care of leroy! yeah! now tt u're working in oilpods, muz jia you and rest more ya. love u! forever a part of my life. =)

3. hey my karcheng. i know i've disappoint u many times cuz i insisted on being wif him and making myself handle e pain alone, and tt u were unhappy wif mi for doing so. sry for being so stubborn... but i appreciate e fact tt u were always there to help mi, to cheer mi up (and always succeed in doing so), and to tolerate my crappy behaviour whenever im down or feeling crazy. i rmb e chats that we have, sometimes late into e night, and how u will accomodate mi sometimes, though u always zhong se qing qin! lols. still, u're e best couz one can ever have. i know u're busy wif ur own work and school, so muz take care ya... and i promise u i wont do stupid things again. u muz buck up and find a nice girl for urself as well ya. *hugs*

4. my new mummy! (guess u should know who u r as well le.. hees..) can sae i din realli know u tt well in yr1, cuz i used to think u were e quiet quiet kind. somehow, we juz seem to grow closer in yr 2, n since then, i started to confide in u. i can only, thks thnks n thnks for all ur support and advice, and i promise i will smile more and stay happy. i know i've made u worry over my problems, but i will be a good nuer from nw on. mummy u also stay happy ya. i will b here for u always, and realli glad to be ur nuer! ah love! =)

5.nt realli sure when did we grow close to each other, but i agree wif u tt it should be somewhere after ur bday. =) since then, we keep going out together, be it to shop, study, or simply juz confiding in each other. u muz jia you.. i understand how tough it is, esp. when im in a almost similar situation. dont give up. u're alrd halfway there. keep going and everything will turn out juz fine. i will be here to help u any time. also, thnks for being there when i need a listening ear.. when im feeling down or crazy.. love u loads girl!

6. this girl arz.. dont know how come we suddenly become so close de. somemore nt really considered in same class, though i've seen u since pri.1. lols.. really enjoyed ur company, and u always managed to make mi laugh when im having my mood swings, esp. during this period. u muz take good care of ur own health ya, nw that u're working and studying at e same time. u know my hse unit, and it will be opened whenever u wanna pop by. jia you girl! =p

7. think i only got to know u well this sem ba... last time din really talk to u in class de. lols.. den now when our class suddenly seem to bond together, i realise tt u're a realli nice fren. always laughing and crapping, and can give mi so much advices to make mi feel better. though i always promise u tt i will stay happy, but in e end, i will still revert back to e sad side. can onli say, im really very grateful to u for being there for mi all this while, and for letting mi find a good fren in u! oh ya, n we shall make our club prosper o! hees.. love u girl! -turtle rocks-

8. used to find u ok. but over e mths, u've really changed. i hope ur character is not like tt by nature, cuz if it is, den u are going to offend e whole world, be it now or future. u've already made us all frustrated by ur words and actions. words do hurt. next time before u say anything, please do think thru and see if ur words gonna hurt somebody. u're simply too competitive as well. though we cant really blame u for tt, but it has got to e point where ur competitiveness is getting on our nerves. we dont wish to isolate u, but sometimes, we juz cant tolerate ur attitude. forgive us if we've made u upset. but please do some self-reflection and change for e better. we will accept u back if u realli do change. but if u dont, den dont blame us for drifting away from u. we're trying our best to be nice to u n everything, so dont push us to a corner and make us ignore u. we're juz trying to help u to change for e better.

9. dont know if u will read my blog, but i wanna say a big sorry to u. u were my best fren since sec 1.. u know mi inside-out, and understand how i feel and wad im thinking without needing mi to say anything out. u used to be there for mi.. i still can rmb e times when we chatted wif each other everydae, even though we were in e same class. still can rmb how i used to go to ur place to hang out every other day, and how we used to confide in each other. i know i was in e wrong, but tt mistake cost us to lose this friendship tt i really treasure so much. hope u're doing fine and well now.. take lots of care..

10. i know u wont be reading this blog.. but i still wanna dedicate this to u. i still rmb clearly how we know each other.. how we used to go out for dinner wif *ah ma*.i rmb e 1st time we went to e beach for a walk, cuz i told u how much i love e beach. u gave mi everything tt i wanted, be it materially or emotionally. every little things tt we did together, i can rmb clearly, and it will forever be in my heart. simply cuz they r precious memories of us. i put my heart and soul into our r/s... i dont mind suffering alone, thinking tt one day, we can be together officially. so i endured. i still rmb e day when i witness e painful scene, and yet, i endured, all e while telling myself u do love mi. but now, i ask u, do u? im nt trying to be some great girlfren by enduring... i do all those cuz i love u more than anything. u've become my pillar of support, esp. after my grandpa's death. u know urself tt i put u as top priority in whatever i do... u should know how much i love u. but y muz u hurt mi over n over again. y am i always e one pulling u back, and shouldering all the faults and frustrations? y am i e person crying every nite, even till now? is it really so hard for u to make a decision? all i ask from u is an answer.. for mi to be e onli girl. is it tt hard? u gave mi a fairy tale for a yr... gave mi love and care... and made mi step into this r/s completely, and in e end, onli to tell mi u still cant give mi an answer. right now, u tell mi u still care for mi, and tt u've nvr forgotten abt mi. so y is it tt u dont sms mi anymore and tt u're giving mi e ice treatment? i dunno wad to do. for many times, i wanted to end everything. in my heart, everything is meaningless without u. right now, im still waiting and loving u.. u mean everything to mi. meanwhile, i hope u're doing fine in ur course...

there. finally done. off to slp soon. going out wif gtc tmr again. happie!!! nites ppl! =)


-waiting for u...-

oh man... i juz cant seem to memorise all e metabolic pathways! it's like, whatever i read simply juz get oxidised upon reaching my brain. wad e crapz. help! e test is like, tmr? n here i am.. wondering what have i memorised. glycolysis... urea cycle.. gluconeogenesis.. save mi pls. =_=

oh yeah. aniway, was at esplanade lib wif cheryl, chin and benji. sat at e cafe and studied all e way from 2pm. and we finally went to citilink's new york new york to eat!!! lols... we ordered a pizza, cheese fries of some sort, fried mars and banana split. mmmm.... food was quite good.. esp e fried mars. but sinful... >.<

gotta go study for metbio le.. muz motivate myself to study. dont wanna die for this paper. good luck to bee bee gui, yang yang gui, yi yi gui, jing jing gui, sou lou and all other guis!!!!

-u say u care for mi.. but yet u treat mi so coldly.. i dont know wad to do, wad to think. i can onli tell u, im missing u everydae..tell mi how to live without u.......-

*missing you*